Jack Dagger

Here’s a long-overdue look at Consuela’s little chickadees.

Sadly, they didn’t make it past a couple of weeks.  Apparently, infant mortality is pretty high among hummingbirds.  They can starve to death in as little as five hours.  One day, while I was away performing in Arizona, Amy said bye to them on her way to work, then came home and they had passed on.  One in the nest, and the other on the pavement below.

After a little confusion, Consuela finally left.  It was very sad, but hey, death happens, and I appreciated the joy they brought me while they were here.  It was a gift of immense magnitude, and I’ll never forget it.

We buried the chics in Amy’s parent’s back yard.

Rest in peace, you mercurial beasties, you.

I decided to add “handles” to my new chef knife throwers. So as not to change the dynamics of the knife, I chose to use Perma Blue Liquid Gun Blue to darken the metal, giving them the appearance of handle scales. This way they can still stack flat in my hand or sheath, but give the illusion of being “real knives”. Pretty snazzy lookin’, huh?

Here’s a closeup, showing the product I used, as recommended to me by Tim “Ricochet” Jester.

This angle really shows how the faux handles are different from the knife

I just got my new chef knife throwers from Joe “Brokenfeather” Darrah, and I gotta say, these are the purty-est knives I’ve ever seen. They’re gonna be wicked in our Van Kleaver Bros show.

Here they are on my kitchen table, next to my wife’s birthday flowers.

And here’s a closer pic.

Only one of the knives has proper handle scales (polished black G10), and Joe tricked it out with his signature custom file work. For the rest of the knives I’ll be using gun blue to darken the handles, to give the illusion from the audience perspective that they have proper handle scales as well. But they’ll still be flat and stack well in my free hand. I can’t wait to use ‘em!

p.s. Throwing knives is good for your health.

I went out again this weekend to support my good pal Anna Fur Laxis, but this time it was for a Disney-inspired show. Seriously.

It was called Burlesqueland. Here’s the flier.

The guys from Peepshow Menagerie also came up with these Mauschwitz-lookin posters for each of the girls. Brilliant.

The first night of the two-night shindig happened at Bordello, downtown LA. Gorgeous place. The stage looks like this.

My good friend (and awesome photographer… I’ll post a link to his pics when he has them up) John Leonetti tagged along, and he looks like this most of the time.

He sometimes looks like this. And if the phallic, camera-in-the-crotch metaphor doesn’t sum up John completely, I don’t know what will.

Also in attendance was my dear sweet lovely wife.

While we waited for the show to begin, they piped in old Disney tunes, including the following lovely gem, as lip-synced by my lyric-savant wife Amy. Sorry, Amy, but you’re internet famous now…

The evening was hosted by none other than Ursula from The Little Mermaid, that angry eight-legged bitch, also known as Dizzy Von Damn, whom I’m quite certain I was married to in another life. She’s friggin’ awesome. She’s also the winner of last year’s Viva Las Vegas.

As Ursula, she looked like this. I can’t explain the dead girl on the stage.

Finally, I got a photo of Anna Fur Laxis. However, my camera sucks at indoor photography, so this pic kinda makes her look like an enraged golden spirit come to destroy us all. Not true. She’s quite lovely, and her Golden Fish Hook routine was outstanding.

We took a photo after her routine to prove that she isn’t a raging specter.

Special note, I finally got to meet Ava Garter in person (with whom I’m email-collaborating on a super-secret pilot), but did not get a photo with her. Weak.

I also met Dita Von Teese, who seems like a real sweet gal.

No knives were thrown at Burlesqueland, and that’s a damn shame.