Jack Dagger

Here’s a long-overdue look at Consuela’s little chickadees.

Sadly, they didn’t make it past a couple of weeks.  Apparently, infant mortality is pretty high among hummingbirds.  They can starve to death in as little as five hours.  One day, while I was away performing in Arizona, Amy said bye to them on her way to work, then came home and they had passed on.  One in the nest, and the other on the pavement below.

After a little confusion, Consuela finally left.  It was very sad, but hey, death happens, and I appreciated the joy they brought me while they were here.  It was a gift of immense magnitude, and I’ll never forget it.

We buried the chics in Amy’s parent’s back yard.

Rest in peace, you mercurial beasties, you.

I decided to add “handles” to my new chef knife throwers. So as not to change the dynamics of the knife, I chose to use Perma Blue Liquid Gun Blue to darken the metal, giving them the appearance of handle scales. This way they can still stack flat in my hand or sheath, but give the illusion of being “real knives”. Pretty snazzy lookin’, huh?

Here’s a closeup, showing the product I used, as recommended to me by Tim “Ricochet” Jester.

This angle really shows how the faux handles are different from the knife

I just got my new chef knife throwers from Joe “Brokenfeather” Darrah, and I gotta say, these are the purty-est knives I’ve ever seen. They’re gonna be wicked in our Van Kleaver Bros show.

Here they are on my kitchen table, next to my wife’s birthday flowers.

And here’s a closer pic.

Only one of the knives has proper handle scales (polished black G10), and Joe tricked it out with his signature custom file work. For the rest of the knives I’ll be using gun blue to darken the handles, to give the illusion from the audience perspective that they have proper handle scales as well. But they’ll still be flat and stack well in my free hand. I can’t wait to use ‘em!

p.s. Throwing knives is good for your health.

I went out again this weekend to support my good pal Anna Fur Laxis, but this time it was for a Disney-inspired show. Seriously.

It was called Burlesqueland. Here’s the flier.

The guys from Peepshow Menagerie also came up with these Mauschwitz-lookin posters for each of the girls. Brilliant.

The first night of the two-night shindig happened at Bordello, downtown LA. Gorgeous place. The stage looks like this.

My good friend (and awesome photographer… I’ll post a link to his pics when he has them up) John Leonetti tagged along, and he looks like this most of the time.

He sometimes looks like this. And if the phallic, camera-in-the-crotch metaphor doesn’t sum up John completely, I don’t know what will.

Also in attendance was my dear sweet lovely wife.

While we waited for the show to begin, they piped in old Disney tunes, including the following lovely gem, as lip-synced by my lyric-savant wife Amy. Sorry, Amy, but you’re internet famous now…

The evening was hosted by none other than Ursula from The Little Mermaid, that angry eight-legged bitch, also known as Dizzy Von Damn, whom I’m quite certain I was married to in another life. She’s friggin’ awesome. She’s also the winner of last year’s Viva Las Vegas.

As Ursula, she looked like this. I can’t explain the dead girl on the stage.

Finally, I got a photo of Anna Fur Laxis. However, my camera sucks at indoor photography, so this pic kinda makes her look like an enraged golden spirit come to destroy us all. Not true. She’s quite lovely, and her Golden Fish Hook routine was outstanding.

We took a photo after her routine to prove that she isn’t a raging specter.

Special note, I finally got to meet Ava Garter in person (with whom I’m email-collaborating on a super-secret pilot), but did not get a photo with her. Weak.

I also met Dita Von Teese, who seems like a real sweet gal.

No knives were thrown at Burlesqueland, and that’s a damn shame.

I got to spend some time with my good friend (and gifted burlesque performer) Anna Fur Laxis this week. It started with Monday Night Tease at 3 Clubs in Hollywood.

Here she and I pose with an attractive blond gal whose name escapes me.

Then I found one of my other favorite burlesque performers, Dizzy Von Damn.

Whom, of course, I had to lick.

This industrious and beautiful young gal, Sophia, was trying to buy our votes for Viva Las Vegas with Tootsie Pops, presented nicely in a lovely cleavage. I mean box.

My new friend Sarah (left) poses with my pal Vixen Violette (whom I got to hear sing for the first time that night… awesome!).

And finally, I had my photo taken with Fever Blister. This girl has zazz.

I’m planning on becoming a “Boy-lesque” performer now. I’d like to go on tour with Fever Blister. I’ll call myself, simply, Gonorrhea. But people will inevitably call me “The Gon”.

Thus concludes Monday Night Tease. Now on to day two!

Anna Fur Laxis is from the UK, which means she’s never even seen a gun, let alone handled or fired one. So I thought it was my duty as an American to rectify this situation.

I arranged to take her up to see my good pal Anthony De Longis at Rancho Indalo for a little gun totin’ good time. Upon arrival, she was, to use the proper Yorkshire vernacular, “gobsmacked”.

Anthony (who was recognized this year by Black Belt Magazine as Weapons Instructor of the Year) let her have it with both barrels (pun intended), and gave her the full safety and usage lesson.

p.s. A good manicure is necessary for shooting handguns safely.

Anthony DeLongis agrees, and contemplates doing his own nails…

And then the rifle instruction began.

Anna Fur Laxis and I mug for a quick pic.

Then she braves the frigid winds of Canyon Country for a dazzling pistol brandishing photo.

Finishing up with the firearms, it was time to head to the throwing range.

Hawkeye Fur Laxis, coming to a burlesque show near you.

Apparently, part of my instruction includes me wanting to box with my students.

Now Anna demonstrates the windup…

The delivery…

The follow through.

Then she holds a flower in her mouth for me to cut. The fun way. (Video to come)

Having made it through an arduous day of weapons training, it was time to give Anna Fur Laxis the ole Jack Dagger Seal of Approval.

Little did she know, I used henna ink. She’ll be stuck with that for a while. Could be permanent. Tee hee.

That’s all for now, and I hope everyone has a happy (and relatively safe) New Years Eve!

-JD:TKoF

p.s. For more info on knife and tomahawk throwing, go to ThrowZini.com to download your 101 Free Knife Throwing Tips!

Finally, I’ve taken a new headshot. I’d been using a b/w one from 2001. This was long overdue.

Photo by Shelby Bond. Whaddya think?

p.s. There is no knife throwing in this picture, and that makes me sad.

Today is Erik Abrams’ birthday. Worship him. He looks like this.